James and Jonathan-Tuesday, Mar. 02, 2004 @ 2:50 a.m.

I gave James his videos back tonight. He doesn't know it though. I did the best thing I could think of an emailed him a few days ago. I got tired of waiting around for him to respond though, so I drove out there after work and stuck them in his mailbox. I wrote a quick note basically saying, "I found these, thought you'd like them back, hope you're well." I know I'll never hear from him though.

The strange thing was, when I was there, I felt nothing. I saw his car and felt nothing. Saw the apartment, the walkway, his windows and felt nothing. No tears, no sadness, no longing, just nothing. It was strange. I can be at home, watching tv and if that Yeah Yeah Yeah's video comes on I'll have to fight back tears. The tinniest things kill me. Like the smell of his cologne. But to go to the place where we lived together, to see all that... I felt nothing.

I don't know what that means but it scares me.


Didn't hear from Jonathan today so I called him. He didn't answer, so I left him a message. I was all cool about, "Hey, this is Mary, just saying what's up. Talk to you later."

I found it strange that he didn't answer. He always answers his phone unless he's at work and when I called him, he would have been out of work. Have a feeling I got played. I asked my friend at work, Travis, about it. He thinks it's too early to tell. But I just feel otherwise. Which sucks if it's true because I was really starting to like this boy.

But I think I'm too tired to care right now.

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004