I Don't Want To Be This Me Anymore-Monday, Mar. 15, 2004 @ 12:13 a.m.

So I got stupid drunk last night. Basically because the exboyfriend, James, was at the bar with his new girlfriend. I started feeling all sorry for myself and shit. Let's make it short and say I ended up crying a lot and I kissed the bartender, Scott.

God damn me and my stupid drunkenness.

And Erica talked to James. I wish she hadn't. That makes me look all kinds of immature.

So I think I'm going to call James an apologize. Apologize for Erica talking to him and apologize for how I acted when we broke up. I was stupid and immature and I shouldn't have slapped him and I feel guilty about it all every day of my life and I just want to move on and for some fucked up reason I can't.

But I will. I'll fucking make myself. I'm going to get out of this stupid emotional rut and do fucking better from here on out. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself only makes it worse, god damn it.

I'm fucking better than all this and I'll damn well prove it.

For now, I'm going to bed because I spent all morning puking my guts out and I'm exhausted.

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004