but there is something wrong with me. something i can't explain and no amount of drinking and partying and working and sleeping with people is going to make it better. i donp' know what will make it better but i wish i did.

i resortd a few days ago to my old junior high [ractice of cutting myself. i hate myself for that because i hate people that do that. bt it felt good. it was familiar and i could control it. all my scars are nicely hidden so only i can see them. i don't want people asking me a million questions and i don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. that pain is for me and me alone.

i'll figure something out. i'll figure out whats wrong. i don't want to be this misery chick that i've become again.