So Lay Down, The Threat Is Real-Wednesday, May. 26, 2004 @ 3:39 a.m.

So I think I may have finally found a template I can live with for a while. We'll see what happens.

I've been wanting to update lately, but for some reason I've been afraid to write anything down. I'm too tired to care right now. My brain is shit right now. So here's one of those things that I've seen floatinf around everyone's else's diaries.

You're suupsoed to open you MP3 player, set it ro random and write down the first 10 or songs it plays. I'll do 25, how's that.

Battlestar Scralatchtica - Incubus
Down - Blink 182
Skeptic - Chevelle
Killer Cars - Radiohead
Dos - Chevelle
After The Flesh - My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult
No Woman No Cry - Bob Marley
Wolfman's Brother - Phish
Time Baby III - Medicine
You And Whose Army - Radiohead
Just - Radiohead
Hilikus - Incubus
Balladovie - The Killingtons
My December (original version) - Linkin Park
Feels Good To Be A Gangsta - I don't Know Who Does This, Actually
Virgina State Of Mind - K's Choice
Burn - The Cure
Ice King - Res
Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me- U2
Crazy - Patsy Cline
Barfly - Strung Out
Blood On The Ground - Incubus
Karma Police - Radiohead
Open - Chevelle
Synchronicity II - The Police

There are three songs on there from The Crow soundtrack. Odd. I expected more Radiohead too since that's most of what I have on itunes.

It's been almost a week since I've spoken to David. I've contemplated emailing him, but I'm starting to not give a fuck. I'm about to take this kick ass present I got him and give it Randy at work. He'd appreciate it more anyway.

I emailed Tony last night. I've been thinking so much about him lately. I want to see him so badly. Last time I talked to him he said he probably won't be able to come into town this year. Hopefully he just ment this summer. But I emailed him telling him I miss him and the brother and I were thinking about him the other night. I gave him my number and John's number. Hopefully he'll call or email. It's been about a month since I've talked to him. Hopefully he's still doing ok. I had a dream about him last night I'm sure. I woke up thikning about him. I wonder if he looks the same. I wonder if he's still beautiful. Maybe when I get my car I'll have to take a roadtrip to Nevada with my brother. That would be way too much fun. Raising hell out west. The three of us again. Then we could ditch John somewhere and do what Tony and I were so good at doing. I don't know what's brought on this Tony fixation lately. Maybe it's the fact that the relationship I have with David is so strikingly similar. I want them both and have had sex with them both, but it's never been anything more than that. They bot claim that I'm a good friend, but they never really make an effort to be friends with me and do things that friends do. Tony's better than David though. At least he was when he was here. Tony would talk to me about things. About what was going on in his life. David hardly does unless he's really down about something. Maybe if I wish really hard and hope and dream and meditate and pray, Tony will comes home and I can see him and hold him and kiss him and beg him to come back home. Because for some odd, fucked up reason, that's what I want right now. And maybe this is my way of avoiding what I feel about David. David's here but I haven't spoken to him in a week or seen him two. And I can't explain that other than he fact that he doesn't want to. He doesn't want to talk to me or see me. And I don't know why. I haven't done anything bad. At least I don't think I have. I just don't know. But with Tony I do. I havne't talked to him or seen him because he's busy busting his ass at work and he's 3,000 miles away, and as far as I know, he has a girlfriend. That's easier to explain. David, however, isn't easy to explain.

And it's hurting my head thinking about, so I'm going to stop.

Don't email him, don't email him. If he wants to talk to you he'll call you or email you.

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004