p a i n-Friday, May. 28, 2004 @ 3:11 a.m.

it's not that i want to die. just start over. i don't want to have made all these mistakes, all these drunken stupid fucking emails, stupid fucking kisses and i haven't heard back from david and i hope he's ok. it's been a week since i'eve talked to him. it bothers me that he doesn't even care.

i want to stand in the rain and drown and fucknig die and earse all this and start over and be me and no one else with no influence and nothing more just me and me and me and myself and no david, no tony no james no nothing. no anne no liz no lynn. just me and myself and my own desicons and i want to.........

be me?

but i don't even know who ia m anymore. and does that even mattr? i'm never me when i'm wiht anyone. i'm one of a million different faces. trying to be someone else that will be accepted.

and it hurts so much that i don't... can't think about it.

and i want to hurt. give me that pain and that blood and that fucking misery because that's all i am is fucking misery.....

the pain i can accept. the pain i can process and feel and understand. the emotions i can't. i can't understand why i care about any of it. why any of that materes. why i give a damn if he's ok or if or if..... i don't know. i don'pt even fucking know.

i want to sleep and not think about any of it.

i want to die and start over

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004