in response-Thursday, Jul. 01, 2004 @ 2:16 a.m.

i got this email this afternoon:

Well I already said what up,

How are things? Good I hope. Looks like Florida may become my new home! Warm sandy bitches here i come...I mean beaches. I am sunburnt like a fucking FOOL. My feet are swollen like baloons. You can squeeze my left foot and it feels like a hardened tomato. Just don't squeeze too hard or you might get some ketchup. But I just wanted to say, I have no hard feelings against you AT ALL, but I am seeing someone. I just thought you deserve to know that. I don't really know how you felt about me, but you were a friend that became close and I don't want you to feel like it was just a "fuck you then snub you" thing. The reason I don't talk to you on im is because my gf is jealous of you. Not in the fact that we'll do anything, just in the respect that we have while her and I were "talking".

This is basically how it was and is. We worked together last summer. We fooled around and started to like each other and then she got a job in Fl. She moved. We still talked but were scared of the long distance thing, so never started dating. We both were with other people while apart. And I realized how much I liked her. So I wanted you to know that I wasn't dating her while you and I had our times, and you were more than Vince's sister. But it never made it more than a friend either. I just REALLY don't want you to feel like I fucked you over. She's jsut weird that you are the one that I happened to be with while we knew each other. When I hung out with you and the other guys, it was a lot of fun. And I already told you about the need for me to get away from drinking. Just thought you might want to know all this.

and then sent this one tonight:

sorry to hear about the swollen feet and sunburn. i think sunburns have reached epidemic proportions. i'm a lobster and so is vince. his awesome new girl has a pool at her house. itís been years, since i went to florida in 5th grade, that iíve been this badly burned. my feet, however, are fine.

it's taken me a while to figure out what to say in this. as far as your relationship, i already knew. through my own deductive reasoning and that fact that no one has secrets in charleston. and believe me when i say i'm happy for you and i hope being down there helps you out.

as far as us, i know we were never more than friends. i never wanted anything more than friends and i've told you that. i will admit though, in the first few weeks of us meeting, i did consider wanting something more, but as i got to know you, i knew that wouldn't be possible. but i knew that i wanted to be your friend. i know having sex wasnít the best idea in the world when you're trying to be friends with someone, but it was just an impulse fueled by lots of beer. i never meant it to be anything more than that. if i remember correctly, we talked about that. i'm not in love with you, if by chance you've assumed that along the way. i care about you a lot, i think about you, hope that you're doing well, like talking to you and trusted you. but i don't know what to think now. i'm sorry your girl is jealous, but i'm not entirely sure what she's jealous of. i know you say because we had whatever while you all had whatever... but i don't know. maybe it's because i really just only see us as friends and maybe you've put a different spin on it. and the fact that you're so willing to give up talking to me makes me wonder if i was really a friend to begin with. because honestly, it killed me to see that you had me blocked on IM. we talked every day for months, i talked to you about things i can't even talk to courtney about and suddenly, that's not ok anymore? if that's how you want it, that's fine. i don't want to be a thorn in your relationship... i'll deal. but know that it hurts me.

and i don't know what else to say. i fucking hate emails.

be sure you have some aloe and ibuprofen for the sunburn. and if you come back in town, i've still got a belated b-day gift in the form of a kill bill lighter and red apple cigarette case waiting for you. if you never get it, i at least want you to know i got it for you.

and that was the hardest email i've eer had to write. it still all came out wrong. and i dread the response i'm going to get.

god i just want to get drunk and have sex with mr. saturday night. the guy i hooked up with a few weekends ago that i can't stop thinking about.

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004