run forever-Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2004 @ 1:37 p.m.

iím so scattered right now. iím so out of it. iíve been like this for weeks. i need to change. i need to get better. i need to stop being so down on myself, so lazy, so apathetic. boo hoo, everything sucks.

hey mary, hereís an idea: suck it up. get over it. move on.

the first step is to clean my fucking room, because itís a huge mess right now.

* ~ * ~ *

what to do about the married stalker? i just wish heíd go away. heís so fucking creepy. and in an effort to avoid him even longer, i just did something i never do. i turned off my cell phone. he called a few minutes ago and left a message wondering if i wanted a ride to work.

HAHA... NO, man, iím not even considering getting into a car with you. i donít even want to be near you at work because you creep me the hell out.

but i know i need to talk to him. and i suppose since weíre working together all night tonight, iíll do it then. and hopefully heíll just leave me alone. if not, my brotherís already promised to beat him up for me. which he actually wonít do, but itís good to know iíve got someone whoís got my back and heíll at least give married man a few nasty glances.

but really, i just want all this to be over. i donít want anything to with him. i feel so betrayed in a way. because he and i were friends, work friends. when we were at work we were friends. but i had no interest in him outside of work. we have two completely different lifestyles, mainly the fact that heís married. and please let me reiterate, iím not attracted to him at all. i remember a few months ago at one point he tried to kiss me. i thought he was joking at that point, but now after finding all this out, i realize he really intended to do it. but, finding out that he thinks heís in love with me... damn him. i told him things that i would have never told him had i known all this. itís like finding out your gay best friend isnít gay and actually has a crush on you.


but iíll deal with it. i will i will i will.

but i donít want to. just want to run away!!!!

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004