but something happened tonight and it has to be one of those twists of fate, one of those �this can�t be a coincidence� type things. i was at the store buying some milk and such, and who�s there? mr. saturday night. he said hi to me and i said hi to him and i was just gonna be a bitch and leave t at that, but he checked out behind me and we started talking and i could tell something was wrong with him. he didn�t seem right. so we�re walking out to our cars and we say goodbye and i�m kicking myself saying, �just ask him to hang out, just fucking do it,� so he�s about to pull off and i flag him down and asks if he wants some company. he hesitates for a second and i say, �look, you seem kind of down and i thought you might want someone to hang out with, but if you want a quiet evening alone, just tell me.� he says, �no, come on over.� so i run home, get changed and hop on over there. he�s drinking wine and watching tv and the place looks... not bad, but bad by his standards. i�ve never seen dirty clothes on his floor before. so we sit and watch tv for a while, just chit chat, then we go and buy another bottle of wine. get back, watch some adult swim and he�s finally drunk enough to start talking. and he unloads some painful things onto me and all i could do was hug him. i leaned across the couch and hugged him he hugged me back so tight. he hugged me so hard it hurt and he kissed my forehead and he wouldn�t let go of me. but i didn�t know what to say. so i said all that i could. i told im that while i don�t know him very well, i do care about him and if he ever needs someone to to talk to or even just to hang out with to distract him from his pain, that i�d be there for him. and we talked some more about just random things, fighting, dating, ex�s, music and then one thing led to another and we had sex. didn�t think that was going to happen, but i�m sure it made him feel better. he was about to pass out and i was late getting home, so we really didn't get to talk. but i told him again that if he need me, he just has to call and i�ll be there. and he promised he would call, but i doubt he will. i won�t see him again until another chance encounter i�m sure.

but shit, i want to help him, because i know what he�s going through. i�m not just saying that either. he doesn�t know. he doesn�t know me and i how i think and feel, but the things he was telling me and the way he described what he was feeling and how it happens is so painfully similar to what i go through. maybe it�s the fact that we�re both pisces. i wanted to stay with him so badly. i wanted fall asleep next to him and kiss his forehead and tell him that everything will be ok. but mostly i wanted to stay with him so he�d sleep in his bed. he�s been sleeping on the couch for weeks now and i know that isn�t comfortable.

but i don�t know. i don� know what to do. just wait until i see him again i suppose. which will probably be saturday.

in other news, i�ve been doing ok the past few days. i�ve been working a lot. i�m even picking up shifts on my days off. so many fucking bills to pay. things got to me the other night though. i was in bed and just couldn�t sleep for the life of me and everything just felt so lost nd wrong and i just started to cry. it�s been a while since i�ve just randomly cried like that and it felt so good. it felt so nice to just get that out. i suppose everyone needs that now and then.

and i need sleep.... badly.