and believe me, i know i can�t save him. i know i can�t do anything for him and i know that just having sex with him doesn�t help either of our situations really, but honestly, i don�t think it hurts either. and while i do care about him, i know i don�t want to be with him. that i realized last night. but i do want to he there for him. because there is something about him that i�m drawn to. and i can�t forget last night. i can�t simply pass off running into him at the store like that. i�m not big into the whole fate aspect of like, but there are exceptions. last night was meant to happen. i never see him out. i only ever see him at the bars and even then, that�s a rare occasion. and maybe, as sparta says, you can�t defend it/it�s predetermined.
but i don�t want to think about it right now. because while it all feels ok and right in a way, there�s no way i can fully explain myself so that anyone would even remotely begin to understand me. ya�ll can just call me a bleeding heart, hopeless romantic pisces.
i�ve been busting my ass at work. i�m trying to remember my last day off and it�s not coning to mind. maybe last wednesday? i should be off saturday. i plan on going to the day on the green at coonskin and just chillin out. taking a blanket, taking off my shoes, laying in the grass and drinking beer. good times.