--Saturday, Jul. 24, 2004 @ 3:41 a.m.

i know the truth. deep down i know the realities of situations, yet i always choose to fucking ignore them. and i really need to stop doing that. i always think that things are perfect, that things are going te way i want them to, when i really know they're not. everything is shit. everything i think is true is a lie for the most part. i constantly lie to myself. i'm not ok with this. my initial reaction to say no, i'll never do it again was totally the right thing to do, and yet i ignored it becease i got so caught up in the heat of everything. do do it again mary, don't fucking do it. you've been here. you've been here twice before and neiter time has it worked out. so what are you thinking? third time's the charm? bullshit. it's fucking bullshit and you know it.

just get it right. just fucking do what's right. ou know better. you know better than to keep fucking up like this. you know it will never amount to anything. so why do it? you'll only feel good about it for a day, then when you face a similar situation and things don't turn out like you planned you get all fucked up and sad and whiney and depressed.

just fucking do what is right. you know what is right god damn it.

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i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004