clarification-Friday, Jul. 30, 2004 @ 1:31 p.m.

i suppose i should retract my entry. it's not that i can't trust anyone, but i've found that i can't trust the people i thought i could. even the best friend. and this has caused a massive upheaval of my social circle. it's just a matter now of guarding myself and not letting too much be known. it's going to take work, unfortunately, since i tend to trust people too much sometimes. i like to confide in people because i don't want to think there are bad people. yes, i'm aware of how naive i am, and i do p[lan on changing that.

the recent revelation came about after hearing that mr. saturday has been talking shit about me. or, apparently talking shit about me. one person says they don't doubt and another person says he'd never, ever do anything like that especially since the know for a fact that he likes and respects me. either way, it's all fucked up bullshit that i don't want to be involved with. because either:

a) he is talking shit about me and he's a total worthless asshole that i don't need to ever be involoved with again


b) he's pissed someone off bad enough that they're making shit up about him and involving me and that's just more drama that i don't need to be involved with.

so, from now, no matter how beautiful he is, no matter how drawn to him i am, no matter how badly i think i can help him with whatever problems he may or may not have, i will not ever associate, or sleep with, him again.

unless of course, hell freezes over and he apologizes for any wrong doing, whatever that may be, and pledges and undying devotion to me. but that will so never happen.

but this did prove to me that there is at least one person i can trust and that's my brother. he even told me that mr. saturday night wasn't a good idea, but i didn't listen to him, but when i told him about what i heard, he still got pissed and offered to kick his ass. now that's love and devotion.

but he's not worth the drama, especially when i've met a nice boy. we met a few weeks ago when i was so terribly drunk one night downtown. i didn't speak to him for a while then i saw him monday. we got together on wednesday and had a blast. we hung out at a bar and chatted then went out to eat. we have a lot in common and he's so much fun. we'll see what happens... i don't want to jinx anything by saying too much.

i've been going out a lot lately without the best friend and i've felt a lot better about myself. i realized this was the right decision a while ago, but last saturday really confirmed that this was the right choice. it was when i was sitting with my boy[space]friend from work and talking. i told him about how i didn't really have anyone to talk to when i was down. he asked about the best friend, and i said that whenever i tell her things, she tends to belittle me. he said "you know, fuck that. i see the way she acts towards you and the way she talks to you and you don't need that. you're so much better than her. stop hanging out with her." i was very admittedly, but i remember that word for word. and so far, this weekend i don't have any plans with her. tonight i'm going out with ally cat (we've decided that after working together for a year and knowing each other since we were babies that we need to start hanging out) and tomorrow is noizbox at the glass. i'm starting to feel better, just the sniffles are left from my cold.

but i've got to run the mom around. she thinks that her not being able to drive right is driving me crazy, but i know it's worse on her.

previous <-----> next

i'm trying - Tuesday, Apr. 26, 2005
... - Wednesday, Mar. 30, 2005
- - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
baby doll lips - Friday, Aug. 20, 2004
unwanted hiatus - Thursday, Aug. 12, 2004